Me, Myself and Them

I cried today on the way home from Target because I couldn't figure out which face soap to buy. All I wanted to do was wash my face once or twice a day. Clean off the grime that collects when you run around after toddlers in a park. Perhaps mousterize my pores and prevent my 1000th wrinkle from forming. I just wanted to committ to do one thing for myself everyday. And it all seemed like too much.

I turned down the aisle and felt like I was in a forein country. It was very clear just how long it had been since I had purchased any type of facial cleanser. So many brands offering so many different things with so many different types of ingredients.

I could hear Norm and the kids in the aisle next to me. Owen was screaming because he wanted to get out. Norm was trying to tell him to sit down in the nicest way possible. And Josie was absolutely quiet which means she was absolutely up to no good. I walked around the corner of the aisle slowly, seeing if I could grab a facial cleaner on the way that would work. Before I could read the back of the Aveeno bottle, I realized the small pink creature throwing bottle after bottle of nail polish into a red Target basket was Josie.

"Josie, put that all back." I said.

"Okay, I just keep one. The blue one." She said.

I didn't even have the energy to convince her to trade the blue polish for a more appropriate bubble gum pink. I just wanted to wash my damn face. I didn't care what color her nails were.

I went back to the aisle and began to take notice of the price tags. How could I possibly spend this much on something so frivolous, I thought. Why can't I just keep splashing water on my face and dabbing it with a paper towel? But I was determined to buy something so I grabbed what seemed simple and on sale and headed out to find my family.

I started to cry on the way home because I just can't believe how overwhelming it is to feel like for every second of every day I am supposed to be with my children. I am supposed to be helping my husband keep Owen in the cart. I am supposed to be watching Josie so she doesn't fill her basket with blue nail polish. I am supposed to care more about keeping my family happy than keeping my face clean.

I know somewhere there is a happy medium. A world in which I take care of my family and take care of myself with equal devotion.

I don't pay attention to how little I think of myself until I try to do something for myself. I've never been one to wallow in things I can't control. I always put my head down and push forward when I know I am on the right path.

As I try to finish this, Owen has appeared and asked me to watch Dora with him. I realize this is the ultimate writers block. I have lost my train of thought and can't write another word. Well, I guess I just wrote a few while he stands next to me tugging on my shorts. I wrapped things up, like I always do, even if I ended it when Owen thought he needed me instead of when I thought I was finished.