Check Us Out

As I sat in the booth at IN'N'OUT I had a clear view of the drive thru window. I watched head after head appear in the window while Josie, Owen and I waited for number 15.

"Number 13," the woman called.

Josie raised her hands in victory and started to scoot out of the booth.

"FIF...teen, We're FIF...teen," I said and she hung her head in defeat.

Finally it was our number. I got up and realized I had been sitting on a wipe so my left side was completely drenched. Who knew those little wipes held so much water. When I picked up the order and turned to walk back to our booth, I felt self conscious because if I had a perfect view of the heads in the take-out window then they must have a perfect view of my wet butt walking back to the booth.

I sat down and divided up the food. I looked back to see if the person in the take-out window was laughing hysterically at me or worse, talking on a cell to a friend who just received the picture of my back side. Just a good looking man staring straight ahead. I was relieved.

A few seconds later, my mom called. I answered because I knew I had a good 5 minutes of quiet time while Josie and Owen enjoyed their favorite meal.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that the good looking man in the take out window was looking my way. Every few seconds I'd look back and his eyes were glued on me. At first I thought he was checking me out. Then I remembered what I looked like this morning when I looked in the mirror on the way to the shower. Definitely wasn't checking me out.

Then I worried he was smiling at Josie. Maybe I watch too much Law & Order SVU, but I was worried he might be plotting to kidnap Josie. She did look adorable today in her pink cup cake dress and jeggings. I started to glare, ever so slightly, out of the corner of my eyes.

Then he started laughing. Hysterically. While both eyes were focused directly in my direction.

"Hold on a second," I said to my mom. I put the phone down and looked over my right shoulder at Owen, who was sitting in the booth next to me. He had both hands in front of his mouth, shoving in the biggest bite of hamburger any two year old has ever swallowed. I looked at his plate and in the minute that my mom and I discussed whether the kids were old enough for Polar Express, he had eaten his entire burger. And most of his fries. And now he was starting on his shake.

I wasn't sure what embarrassed me more. That I actually thought the guy was checking me out or that the reason he was gawking at my booth was because my son was a pig.

The good looking man waved as he drove off with a story to tell to match the photo on his cell phone of the mom with the wet behind.