Uncertain Times

Nothing is ever decided. Everything is always up for discussion. The responsibilities of adulthood are far more daunting than I ever imagined. I can't believe how uncertain everything is.

I arrived at school a little early to let Owen play outside with the other children. Josie ran right up to me and gave me a big hug. Owen ran up to her and gave her a big hug. From the outside we probably seem like the perfect loving family. At the moment I probably seemed like I was certain about everything I was doing.

Minutes later Owen was pushing a boy twice his size off a bike. Josie was yelling, "Miss Kristen. Miss Kristen! I made you a poo poo cake!" Josie and Brandon were laughing so hard tears were welling up in their toddler-sized eyes.

Miss Kristen, the trained professional, just ignored them. I walked into the plastic house that had turned into a poo poo cake factory and tried to pretend like I knew how to talk to my daugther about her inappropriate baked goods.

When I turned around after my failed leecture and empty threats, I noticed some of the moms were looking at me. Just to make sure we were all on the same page, I threw my hands in the air and said, "I have absolutely no idea what I am doing." They all nodded in agreement. One mom said, "Luke has a competition each day to see how many times he can say the word butt. I used to get mad. Now I am just thankful he can count to 57."

It was comforting in some ways to know the other moms struggled like I do. But also frightening. At least if I was the only one who felt so uncertain there might be a light at the end of the tunnel, an opportunity to learn from them or at the very least gain clarity and certainty through time and experience. But there I was standing there with moms of all ages, all backgrounds, all shapes and sizes. We watched uncertain and dumbfounded while our children ran towards with outstretched arms screaming, "The Pee Pee Shakes are ready!"