31st Year

As I sit here alone drinking a luke warm latte listening to my daughter sing and my son scream during their supposed naptime, I am not quite sure how I feel about my 31st birthday tomorrow.

I don't care about looking older, or even feeling older. I've gotten used to the wrinkles around my eyes and the few pounds that just won't go away. And the transition from the 30 to the 31 doesn't mean more to than any other number.

But what does concern me is how quickly the first 31 have gone by especially the last three years when my focus on age, birthdays, and growth has shifted to Josie and Owen. I worry that if this part has gone so quickly, how quickly the rest will fly by.

I used to worry all of the time that my life was going to end. I used to think each day might be my last. Would it be tomorrow or the day after? I was convinved that knowing when would be a wonderful gift that would help me and those around me prepare for my departure.

I think in my 31st year, I will start to appreciate that its the not knowing that is truly the greatest gift. Its the not knowing that will make me try my hardest to be my best in each new day that I am given and to appreciate each happy moment, especially those that I didn't expect.

Happy 31st birthday to me. May this be the year I learn to live in the moment and fear less the unknown.