My Voice

Just when I think I am going to fold up shop, close down the blog and never write another word, I get a note from a friend, family member and even my uncle's mistress, telling me how much they love my blog. The mistress even sent me a Starbucks card so I could buy a few non-sandy lattes. I guess that makes her a patron mistress.

I like to pretend that I write without thinking if people will like it. But I also like to pretend I am a size 2. The truth is I love hearing from people and I love hearing that they like what I write.

I will never forget how high my therapist's eyebrow raised when I told her I practice conversations. "You mean, like with teachers or employers for an interview?" She asked. "No, with everyone. When I am in line at Starbucks I go back and forth on whether to say Tall Double Non-Fat Latte with Extra Foam or Double Tall Extra Foamy Non-Fat Latte. I practice both ways." When I saw her reaction to this simple admission, I stopped talking. I didn't tell her that I hear actual voices in my head.

It was only lately that I realized the voices in my head are actually one voice. And its my voice. Thank god. Turns out I like talking to myself more than talking to other people. Since writing the blog, I realized that the voice in my head sounds a lot like the writer of the blog.

Now I get to share the voice with other people. Turns out, I have some interesting things to say. And I don't do a bad job of putting words together on a page. Who knows? Maybe one day I will order my Starbucks and not care whether I order it the right way. Maybe I will get bold enough to have actual impromptu, unrehearsed conversations with people. Or maybe I will just keep writing until the voice in my head finally shuts up.